STREET SMART KIDS
CJ Lyons, MD

TEST YOUR STREET SMARTS
True or False:
1.  More children are kidnaped by strangers than by people they know.
2.  The safest place for children is their own neighborhood.
3.  As long as my children are inside by dark, they'll be safe.

The answers to all of the above: FALSE.  Want to know more about how to keep your kids safe?  Read on.

A PARENT'S WORST FEAR

An AMBER alert announcing that a child has gone missing breaks into your drive-time radio.  Your heart races, palms grow sweaty.  You stop, can't help but think: "Are my kids okay?  Are they safe?  What can I do to protect them?"

We used to teach our kids to avoid "stranger danger".  Experience has now shown that this method is not only ineffective but can actually place children in greater danger.  For example, recently when an eleven-year-old boy was lost in the woods, searchers came within sight several times.  Yet the boy hid from them, because he was taught "not to talk to strangers".   He remained alone in the wilderness for four days before he was eventually rescued.  

The message of "stranger danger" can be confusing to children and may lead them away from people in a position to help them.  So what should we be teaching our kids?  How can we protect our families?
 
More than warn your children about dangers, you can help make them Street Smart Kids.

KNOW THE FACTS:

First, let's look at the scope of the problem.  According to the US Department of Justice, approximately 800,000 children are reported missing each year.  Of these, less than 2% were actually abducted by non-family members.

That translates to about 1 child out of every 10,000 who is a victim of non-family abduction.  Good odds, but not good enough.  We can do more to protect our kids and make them street smart.

According to the Office of Juvenile Justice, the majority (61%) of victims of non-family abduction were taken by persons known to the child.  These included: friends, neighbors, caretakers, authority figures and slight acquaintances.  Also, women perpetrated only about 30% of all non-family abductions.

If most children who are abducted know their abductors in some way, then where do most abductions take place?  Contrary to the popular belief, it is not in dark alleys far from home.  Studies of child homicides have shown that 80% of the time initial contact between victim and abductor occurred less than a quarter mile from the victim's home.  That's only about two city blocks.  Homes, yards, streets, parks and public areas were the most common places where a child was abducted.  Most abductions occurred between noon and 6pm.

Already we can see that a lot of our stereotypes about child abductions are misrepresentations of the truth.  Rather than teaching a child to be afraid of a stranger in a dark alley far from home late at night, we need to be teaching them the skills they need to quickly identify dangerous situations and take appropriate action.

STREET SMARTS START AT HOME

How can we give our kids the tools they need to stay safe?  Start by giving a child the security he needs to develop appropriate relationships with others and the strength he needs to trust his own instincts.  This starts as early as infancy.  It is difficult for a child who can't predict when his next feeding is coming or when he should be sleeping to become either self-reliant or fully trusting of others.  

Children as early as four months old develop a keen sense of routine and consistency.  Babies at this age begin to crave interpersonal interaction while also developing a sense of self.  It is no wonder this is the age when many children begin to sleep through the night, settle themselves from a crying spell, play quietly by themselves and communicate their needs with others.  At this crucial period of development an infant is learning both to trust themselves as well as their caretakers.  Structure, routine, warm comfort and a loving environment are crucial.

As children mature to toddlerhood, they become more mobile and able to explore their environment.  This is the "master of the universe" phase where a child's job is to test limits in order to understand the boundaries of their existence.  During this crucial age of exploration a child learns to cope with change, to place trust in his caretakers and develops his own sense of identity.  Consistency in child rearing, a warm, stable and secure environment are key factors in a child's successfully achieving these milestones.

Older toddlers have vivid fantasy lives.  And they are very independent.  This is an age where children are vulnerable to predators who use their imagination against them.  But it is also an age where many children are ready to start learning street smarts.

STREET SMARTS:

Teach your children the concept of "bad feelings".  As important as understanding "good touch, bad touch" is empowering a child that if she is feeling "bad" or uneasy about the way an adult is treating them, it is okay to act on that intuition.  Gavin de Becker, security expert and author of The Gift of Fear, advises adults to embrace their fear and listen to it, to try to understand the reason behind it.  This advice would apply equally well to children.

Explain to your kids that it is better to talk than not.  So often young children fear being punished or criticized for their actions, especially if they are perceived as being rude to authority figures.  This often will cause them to remain silent about an adult's actions that may be confusing to them or make them feel uncomfortable.  Child predators are well aware of this.  They will coerce children into silence, even convincing them that whatever happens is the child's fault, not the adult's.  Empower your children with the confidence to speak out to a trusted adult about any bad feelings.

Awareness is vital.  Teach children to pay attention to where parents or other trusted adults are in the vicinity.  Play games such as "Observation" where you ask children to describe someone they just met or a car that passed by.  Increasing their awareness of the world around them is like giving them an early detection radar.  When something in their environment is out of synch, they'll notice, remember and most importantly, avoid it.

Establish safety zones.  Walk around your neighborhood and identify safe houses.  Homes where you know the occupants and that your child could run to if they needed help.  Identify other places as well: police or fire stations, the post office, a family restaurant–anyplace where a child might find a trustworthy adult when they need them. Do this both during the day and at night as houses can appear similar after dark.  Let your child lead you to the nearest safety zone when you're outside walking, see who can run there the fastest.

Know who the good guys are.  Talk to your child about people they can safely ask for help if they are lost or in trouble.  An uniformed police officer, the person at the information desk at the mall, a cashier, a mother with her own kids.  Coach your child with what to say: their name (first and last), address and telephone number.  Teach them to call 911 if there are no good guys around.

Role play.  Most pedophiles are clever enough to know how a child's mind works.  They'll use ruses such as searching for a lost puppy or another child, telling a child that their parents are injured and the perpetrator was sent to take them to the hospital, or posing as a police officer to gain a child's trust.  Have a code word for the family.  Promise your child that anyone sent by you will use this code word.  Also be sure that they know not to approach any car.  If someone tries to talk to them from a car, instruct them to run away to a safe place and tell you.

Run, bite, kick, yell and scream.  Tell your kids that if they are in a situation and feel afraid that something bad is happening, they should run away first.  If that doesn't work, give them permission to yell, "This is not my daddy (or mommy)" while dropping to the ground and kicking.  Since most abductions happen in daylight in open spaces, drawing any attention to the kidnapper can be very effective.

THIRTEEN GOING ON THIRTY

While the above apply to pre-school and school aged children, once kids hit adolescence, it is much harder to protect them.  This is an age of wanting to be an adult while not understanding the dangers that "grown up" actions such as going to a rave, using drugs or alcohol, or dating older men or women can pose.  Fifteen is the peak age for child abductions with girls far out-numbering boys.  Acquaintance kidnaping also looms as a threat for teens.

How to keep your thirteen going on thirty teen safe without smothering them?  It's a fine line to walk.  First, be open and honest about the consequences of "adult" actions and the fact that there are some adults who take advantage of kids their age.  It's a cruel world out there, but no one knows that better than a thirteen-year-old.  By avoiding discussions about pornography, child predators, drugs, date-rape, etc, you are not protecting anyone but yourself.  You can be honest about the risks of adulthood without overwhelming a child by simply asking them what they already know.  Often it will surprise you, and your child will appreciate the opportunity for open discussion.

Monitor cell phone and computer usage.  In this day and age of instant messaging, more and more bullies and predators are assaulting your child without ever touching her.  Pedophiles are notoriously skilled at seducing teenagers into sharing a secret life with them on-line.  Once they've gained a child's confidence, some will attempt to move from virtual reality to flesh and blood encounters.  

Teach your child how to defend themselves.  With their minds as well as their fists.  A good martial arts class not only will give your child fighting skills but may help instill the confidence and street smart attitude they need to avoid a confrontation.  Those same observation skills that were important at a younger age are vital now that your child is old enough to be on the streets alone.  Also, using the art of negotiation (a skill most teens are practiced in, especially once their allowance runs out) may help in a potential abduction situation.

Explain that no matter what happens or how bad your child thinks they've been,  you are open to a phone call anywhere, anytime.  They need to know that there's someone they can call for help if they are caught alone in a situation and circumstances spiral out of their control.

IF THE WORST HAPPENS

Do not wait.  As soon as you realize that your child might be missing, alert authorities.  If you are in a public place, ask the manager and security to close any exits and initiate search procedures.  Call the police right away.

This is vital.  Studies have shown that typically over two hours pass before parents make the initial missing child report.  BUT the majority of abducted children who become homicide victims are murdered within three hours of their abduction.  Even though child abduction murders happen rarely, do not wait.  Most victims are taken elsewhere before any harm occurs, so by securing the initial site of disappearance, law enforcement officials have the greatest chance of locating a child before something further happens.  

Call the police as soon as you realize your child is unaccounted for.  Do not delay.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Involve other parents in your neighborhood, your schools, local police and other community groups.  By repeating and reinforcing these messages,  children will have more opportunities to practice and remember.  

Be certain your local law enforcement agencies are aware of new technology available to help quickly locate missing children.  The AMBER (American's Missing: Broadcast Emergency Response) alert uses local radio and television to quickly disseminate information on missing children.  Another system, the Lost Child Alert Technology Resource (LOCATER), is a free-of-charge program that gives law enforcement personnel the equipment needed to disseminate images and information about missing kids via the internet and on posters.

Encourage retail stores, shopping malls and other areas where children are present in a large crowd (such as amusement parks) to develop and practice protocols such as a Code Adam to alert people to a lost child and quickly implement a secure response to avoid a child being taken off site.
  
Groups such as the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, the Jacob Wetterling Foundation and the American Academy of Pediatrics have resources available for individual and community education.

No one can guarantee anyone's safety in the world we live in.  But, by acknowledging the dangers that surround our children, we can prepare them and protect them from becoming victims.  Give your children the tools they need to make them Street Smart.

About the author:
Cathryn J Lyons, MD is a physician trained in Pediatric Emergency Medicine.  She has assisted police and prosecutors with cases involving child abuse, rape, homicide and has worked in numerous trauma centers, as a crisis counselor, victim's advocate, as well as a flight physician.  Her medical thriller, BLINK OF AN EYE, will be published by Tor Books, May 2006.  Contact her at www.cjlyons.net  

Copyright 2005, CJ Lyons all rights reserved